I just finished short e-mail where I said “I have no idea what made me write to you, I just follow the dance of Life.” If I would tell the truth, I would say: “My angel is FORCING me to offer my help to you, I don´t know what he has in his mind, I just follow what he asks me to do.” This can be too much even for anthroposophs, so I keep it simple.
I have been very enthusiastic about the days when all is in flow and I just can smile and play my part, and I have been also a bit sad and fearful when I think that it is all just lucky strike and soon hard life starts with winter and inside-turned people. I try to keep focus on NOW and not to lose myself into unknown future which is beyond control.
I have been swimming so much, feeling so alive, feeling how my cells are happy and I have tried to express it with some spontaneous sounds and movements. Life is a miracle and I start to feel it. I knew it all my life already.
Last days I have heard my angel telling: write, write, write! And right now I don´t know what I have to write. I ask him now and he tells me to write about diesel.
I was out of money, and car showed me, that he is soon out of diesel and I had no idea how I can fill the tank. Then suddenly I got the message from K, who asked if I am in Sweden and after getting to know that I am in Järna area, she asked to meet. I almost gave up the meeting because communication was not going as smooth as I expected, hours were passing and my angel told me to keep going. Finally I picked K and her little son up and we went together to visit Solvik school. One moment I felt I want to go to swim and so I did. I felt happy, fresh and living and when I walked back I heard my angeld tell me: ask K to fill up the tank and offer her babysitter work. I was happy about the idea, but when I met K again, it didn´t feel like I want to tell it to her. We drove back to where she lives now and we talked about different things, still I was not sure how to tell, but finally she asked something about what I am doing in Järna, and I told that I am looking for job and until I find something stable, I offer different things, like babysitting. Her eyes started to shine and we got the appointment for the next day. She also needed a car to go for shopping, so I just mentioned that she could fill up all the tank and we use it as credit, I will come and be babysitter until credit is used up. So we did and so was the Story of Diesel. For now credit is used up, I have had nice hours with little boy in the garden where I was living myself when I was moving to Sweden 10 years ago. K is renting the part of house there and I feel like at home.
Now my neck gets stiff and I am allowed to go to sleep.
Loving greetings to you! Enjoy your life and play with it!
Yesterday night I filled the e-application to create my own company, today my application was accepted and I went to the bank to get the bank account to my brand new company. I wrote my company name on the paper and when worker was reading it, I noticed she smiled a bit, but tried to be correct and not to show it. Later when she was filling the documents she asked if this company is about sports. I said no, but actually this company can be about everything.
Once I walked in the park which is close to my Berlin home (I use to walk there every day and always so nice ideas and thoughts are coming to me) and suddenly I felt how much Life (God? Energy? My guardian angel?) wants me to have fun. To play, to move, to be happy, to experience, to try out, I felt how it invites me to play with it, to take this chances it gaves me, to see the signs it shows me. I felt how Life is again and again inviting me to play but I refuse. I refuse because it is unconfortable to play – you never know what comes next, it is beyond control, I want to have it stable! When I came home I was painting a simple picture and wrote on it: “ELU TAHAB SINUGA MÄNGIDA”, it means “Life Wants to Play with You”, and I was hanging it on the wall. Now I have it as a company name, as mantra for myself to not to forget to play.
I wrote Life Wants to Play with You in Pinterest and here are some of the images which came up.