Browsed by
Author: Maarja

Tacit day

Tacit day

Today is a tacit day. Good for feeling myself – where I am, how I am.
I am much, even if it feels sometimes that I am blank and still. I am so much that I could fill up all the surrounding with myself if I would let all out what wants to come out. I am listening myself, hugging the small me when she gets afraid, letting her safely grow up.

We were 10 days in Dahab and I enjoyed it much. Sun light, friends, new contacts, talks with Iris… Learned again to know new sides of myself, never ending exciting journey. Tears in laughing face.

New 7 year period starts and I feel it with every cell of my body. Would like to shout. (Did it!).



Nice to meet you again

Nice to meet you again

Back in Langenhain, full of ideas and hope. Things which I have had for a long time on my list will be done step by step – I just get annoyed that they stay so long time on the paper and reminding me their existence. Good thing is that getting angry about it means getting some power for doing them. Just doing, instead wishing, wanting, dreaming. Very Pisces´ problem.

I have so many ideas that I almost feel panic in me sometimes because I feel I will never manage to do them all in my life. What to take, what to leave? I am soon 40 and then 70 and then soon I will die! When I think like that, then I can sense some panic, but when I think that maybe I will die tomorrow, then I get quite calm. 🙂 The key is about enjoying, I guess. When I enjoy every minute however it is, then I am living fully and then I don´t need to regret that I didn´t do enough or feel that life just passed by. To enjoy, I need to be here and now, to be here and now, I need to be in myself. Hello, Maarja, nice to be with you again!

Found some flowers yesterday. It was first warm day, felt like +20C, but was +12C
Lamas came closer to me after I was singing for them

Song from Gosia to give a beat for this day.




Show Me My Silver Lining

Show Me My Silver Lining

Hello dear friends, followers!
How are you?
Today I woke up in Estonia, listened this and this, danced around a bit and felt wonderful. It feels like I have been in sleep for some months and now life goes on, light comes back and I can see myself again.
Last time I forgot Lorna´s prayer book here, now I took it up again, started to read it and I feel how it opens up the light in me and I ask myself: where I have been?

It is such a beautiful winter wonderland outside, for one more day before it starts to melt. In Langenhain there was almost no snow during the winter, so it is nice to be in Estonia right now, soon it will be palm trees, Red Sea and sunshine in Dahab…

Now I take the train and go to visit Hubert Urb and Teodor Tinn.

Love from me,
Maarja


What´s up?

What´s up?

What I am doing? I am just living, doing stuff and not doing it.
After one month in Estonia I am back in Langenhain and I hope to stay here until going to Dahab. I haven´t bought tickets to Dahab yet, but I guess I will be there from 18th of February to 18th of March. Sunny Egypt.

Yesterday was Matthias here, I was watching how he was building a floor door, I was filming a bit, helping a bit. It is kind of meditation for me to be around him, specially I like when both brothers are doing things together, there´s such a kind of beauty of the togetherness, I feel every time I want to capture it – with the words, photos or video. It is relaxing. Safe. I can look for hours these hands working on things.


It is sunny day and we go out soon to get a nice lunch in Flight Café, as we call it. There´s a garage for small airplanes, field for take off and landing and house for a café.

In Estonia I finished the video of Joyful Summerwork.:

Have it good!

M.

 

How

How

How can I use my strong sides to take care of my weak sides?
When my weak sides are active, I forget about my strong sides and it seems I have only weak sides. I forget to love myself. I forget to start my life from myself, from the intimicy with myself.

Tune.

Living room

Living room

It is still dark outside, I made fire in the oven and it makes nice sound.

I have been a bit more than a week in Estonia, going on with the driving lessions. It feels it takes forever for me to learn to drive, I am still nervous in the traffic and can´t have my eye on everything what I need to see, I haven´t learn to catch the information what I need to react at. One new teacher said I drive like first time, but yesterday evening with another teacher I had quite good drive because I felt well with him. People ask me when I get done my driver´s license – I don´t know, I need my own tempo for that and have to forget what is normal, have to stop comparing me with others and let go the pressure from others and from myself.

Yesterday when I walked home I was thinking that whole world is my house and different lands are different rooms for me, I do different things in these rooms and I like them all. Estonia is like living room – it is so simple to meet people, join talks, catch conversations. I buy flowers and just start to walk to my friend Jaan who has birthday and I think he must be somewhere around, I think to walk by the cafĂ© where he could be and yes, he is there. Also Jaak and Krista are there, so we talk about life and about Jaan´s new movie, eat chocolate. CafĂ© is closed but it is ok for owner that we sit on the terrace, Jaak, Krista and Jaan are visitors who many would like to have. When we feel to have coffee, we continiue to another cafĂ©, but this is closed as well, we stand there and think what to do until worker comes and tells that she likes to have us inside and opens cafĂ© for us. She even serves warm soup for Jaan and brings glas of water for flowers. And cuts cake pieces bigger than usual.
After going in different ways from Jaak and Krista, I continiue my social flowing with Jaan and we are going to visit a poet who I only know from the distance, like it is with well known people – you feel you know them, but they have never seen you, so you have to start the relation from the beginning. “Hello, I am Maarja”, “Hello, I am Maarja, too!”. When this is done then we are equal again. I forgot the name of other two women. There´s a nice view from her flat, we see the sea, boats and far to the other side of the town, I join the conversation like I always known these persons and I love this feeling. Belonging.
Later I leave Jaan front of wooden house when he goes to another visit, I could maybe also go in but I am not sure, so I decide to go home, happiness sparkling in me after all these talks and meetings.
When I arrive back home, mom and Andreas are outside. I cut some wood and put them under the shelter to wait winter time.

So, sun is rising, I finish here for now even I didn´t write what I wanted to write and wrote completely other things instead…

Fru Konstnär Shines on the Stage

Fru Konstnär Shines on the Stage

Here is the interview with Malin Haraldsson, who´s artist name is Fru Konstnär – Mrs. Artist (this is how her husband is calling her sometimes). I know Malin from Communication as Art and Lifeplay courses which are leaded by Iris Johansson. Malin performs there monologues about life situations, sings her songs, helps Iris to connect people to their feelings. I was often touched about her way to work. I have been around and observing how she takes steps to let Fru Konstnär get born, now it is clear – Fru Konstnär lives and there´s no way back!

Fru Konstnär has much to do – Kickstarter project to collect money for her very first album, different concerts… How it is for you to follow her?

It is fantastic to accompany Fru Konstnär´s journey. All she gives me is joy, contant, energy and lots of play, play, play. I am not afraid when I am with her. Although I am not used to live artist life, it is fine, she is confident and in routin and I enjoy to follow her activities. Best play mate!

Is it first time for you to be visible in public?

I have been much on the stage with different projects, but I have never before used so much as now my own content, with my own art and music in focus. And it feels sooo good and right, it is something I have been waiting and dreamed about for long time. And now it is happening! Yippie!

How you create your art?

For me it is so that I am going on feeling, desire, flow and inspiration, impulse and joy most. I like to do something out of this material I have, even if it is not thought through or perfect.

Life, incompleteness and my own humanity is my art. To dare not to polish and correct, instead form something sensitive out of NOW. Without make-up. This is what I love! To embrace everything!

To publish your project on Kickstarter – tell me about different thoughts and feelings which came up by doing it?

To throw myself out, stick out my nose and be visible through asking help to finance the album has been HAIR-RAISING, BREATH-TAKING, GRAZY, AS TO DRIVE THE MOST SCARIEST MOUNTAIN ROAD and it has been also DEEPLY JOY-GIVING IN THE ROOTS OF MY HEART. Do I think I am somebody? Who am I to take right to do someting like that? Maybe it is not at all good! Maybe no-one will like the product… But it is not the product but WAY what is in my focus.

I challenge myself to stay against the temptation to bury me in performance anxiety. This is what I will get!

What is the worst what can happen?

Dark doubting thoughts are coming, also shame feeling. To make myself ridiculous. Can I let go the thought that I can fail? Is it possible to make a digital product out of something what works in live, here and now, in a meeting with the listener… Maybe it will be just flat? Or will it be something completely else? An artistic masterpiece? But I am not technically capable to do that… ohmygooood!!!

What is the best what can happen?

If I can do it so can you! I am fallible human and I want to enjoy my life anyway. I dare so that you will dare.

What is your secret dream about this project?

I dream that the part of Fru Konstnär´s personal radiance will shine out through the recording.

To dream costs nothing. Wish me good luck!!

Good luck, Malin and Fru Konstnär!

You can be part of her journey to support her on Kickstarter!

Asked, photographed, translated: Maarja Urb
Answered: Malin Haraldsson (Fru Konstnär)