I start to get really satisfied about my life, about myself. Waking up early makes a big difference for me, even if I am not a project leader or organizer (as I wish to be) and I do simple things in my morning hours – read, learn, write.
I don´t tell all the things what I am doing, I experienced that I stop to do them after I talk about them. But one important thing is that I read prayers from Lorna´s book, something opens up in me when I do so, it gets lighter in me. I never thought that I start to pray or mention God in the way I do now. Really unexpected. I am astonished about myself. Not shamed anymore.
Yesterday when I went up to my room I saw a nice pear on the stair, mom put it there for me, she got it from her garden. Nice one. This was my first breakfast today. Juicy and tasty.
I have been all the day here, it is raining and raining and it is nice to stay at home. Made fire for the first time. Stood front of fire, made some streching movements and read Old Testament at the same time. There´s something about it, I will read on, even it feels so cruel and God is there not as I can imagine God is. Not the easy topic to write about, so I stop here.
I just looked through some very old photo albums with my mom, now I am a bit dizzy. Good time to make a short round in garden before going to sleep.