I just finished short e-mail where I said “I have no idea what made me write to you, I just follow the dance of Life.” If I would tell the truth, I would say: “My angel is FORCING me to offer my help to you, I don´t know what he has in his mind, I just follow what he asks me to do.” This can be too much even for anthroposophs, so I keep it simple.
I have been very enthusiastic about the days when all is in flow and I just can smile and play my part, and I have been also a bit sad and fearful when I think that it is all just lucky strike and soon hard life starts with winter and inside-turned people. I try to keep focus on NOW and not to lose myself into unknown future which is beyond control.
I have been swimming so much, feeling so alive, feeling how my cells are happy and I have tried to express it with some spontaneous sounds and movements. Life is a miracle and I start to feel it. I knew it all my life already.
Last days I have heard my angel telling: write, write, write! And right now I don´t know what I have to write. I ask him now and he tells me to write about diesel.
I was out of money, and car showed me, that he is soon out of diesel and I had no idea how I can fill the tank. Then suddenly I got the message from K, who asked if I am in Sweden and after getting to know that I am in Järna area, she asked to meet. I almost gave up the meeting because communication was not going as smooth as I expected, hours were passing and my angel told me to keep going. Finally I picked K and her little son up and we went together to visit Solvik school. One moment I felt I want to go to swim and so I did. I felt happy, fresh and living and when I walked back I heard my angeld tell me: ask K to fill up the tank and offer her babysitter work. I was happy about the idea, but when I met K again, it didn´t feel like I want to tell it to her. We drove back to where she lives now and we talked about different things, still I was not sure how to tell, but finally she asked something about what I am doing in Järna, and I told that I am looking for job and until I find something stable, I offer different things, like babysitting. Her eyes started to shine and we got the appointment for the next day. She also needed a car to go for shopping, so I just mentioned that she could fill up all the tank and we use it as credit, I will come and be babysitter until credit is used up. So we did and so was the Story of Diesel. For now credit is used up, I have had nice hours with little boy in the garden where I was living myself when I was moving to Sweden 10 years ago. K is renting the part of house there and I feel like at home.
Now my neck gets stiff and I am allowed to go to sleep.
Loving greetings to you! Enjoy your life and play with it!