Well, we can imagine that we are making our life – that we have to decide, have to plan the future, make steps, but I see more and more how we have to let life happen. I have to take what comes and sometimes it means that I have to be in unconfortable situations: to go for example somewhere where I am afraid to go.
Right now I am coming from the place to where it was a bit unconfortable to go, but life gave me the possibility and I told “ok, I trust, I follow!”. Instead of it I could say :” I go there some other time”, “I will write them e-mail instead meeting them” or “It doesn´t seem to be my place.” This is just fear who talks. Fear for unknown, fear for changes. Sometimes I notice it and I can listen to life and take the opportunities, sometimes talks fear too loud. It is ok. To be weak, to follow fear is ok as well, then you can feel how it is to listen to fear.
Yesterday I followed my angel’s will and I got the place to sleep, some supper, I got to know 2 places where I could work and visited one place today. I am looking for job here and I let the life bring me right people and moments. It is much more fun to look how life plays with me than to go rationally through the job searching process. Play with life is surprising, it is fun and IT WORKS! You have to be ready and have to listen to your heart, or angel. 🙂 I want to learn to listen to my angel all the time, life is then so much easier.
Hello again, my lovely readers.
I am in Berlin for some more hours and then I take the train to Frankfurt – in the evening I am back in Langenhain for one week.
I have had different happenings in between – I got together 8400 Egyptian pounds for children in Dahab! So many people wanted to take part of this small action. It is so easy to do someting good, I recommend to try! Look around, look how far your hands are reaching to help somebody.
After Communication as Art course with Iris I travelled from Hagalund to Järna. Made some computer work in Åsgatan café. Filmed Malin´s process in studio. Became ill. Didn´t fly to Florence with Michael as it was planned because Ryanair had strike. Went to Dresten instead to watch Raphael´s painting. It was Michael´s birthday present to me. Was really touching to see this painting, stood long time there to feel it.
Went to ecstatic dance event and danced myself free. Had coffee time with Katja, warming. I have all I need in my life and 100 times more.
Now I have to go to the train, have it good!
Today I got together exactly 10 persons who want to give their helping hand for poor families in Dahab! I keep going, I know that there are more children who need this help, families in Egypt are big.
I think about people who are leading big projects to help thousands of children, and I am sitting here and so happy about these 10 I can help. Or, I could say I give possibility for others to help. I feel so small but so happy.
It is strong wind and rain outside and complete darkness. Day was sunny and bright and I managed to enjoy it so much as it was possible. I took all from it. Was jogging, swimming, drying myself up in the sunshine, shouting out my happiness into the wind, hands stretched out to the sky. Cleaned up small huts for the people who are coming tonight and some who already came. Sat on the top of the matresses in the tractor´s trailer while John Arild drove tractor to the school house. Picked apples. Ate food on the balcony, with the view over the lake and felt so special feeling about it – someone cooked and I could eat it, such a luxury! I had everything I need.
Now I put my stuff together, have to make my “office” empty because people are coming to stay here during the course.
Iris is coming tomorrow, Christian, Michael and many other lovely persons as well.
I had a rich day today. I slept out, then watched how branches were dancing in the wind behind my window, then I went jogging and on the way I passed by the lake, so I went to swim. Howww good it was! I was so thankful that I had to sing. Bright September light, warm wind, fresh water.
Later we cleaned up the old school house with Susanne, took care of cows. I cleaned up one small hut where many ants were living in the summer, now it is clean.
Now I wrote many e-mails and facebook messages to invite people to take part of beneficence to support children in Dahab. 300 Egyptian pounds are 15 EUR, so this is the cost for one child to go to school and get all she/her needs during one school year. We are now 4 persons who want to take part. School starts in 5 days and I don´t know if I can get 10 persons together. I try to not to get stressed. Right now my shoulders are a bit tense and I should go to sleep. I do that.
I am so happy today! Happy to be here, happy that I have possibility to enjoy the life.
I would like to give to you some of my happiness.
Met this guy today, he came into Barbara´s kitchen and we had a talk. He said he has written 300 pages about his life, he was writing at home and then felt he has to go out and enjoy nice summer weather. I told him if he doesn´t get somebody to publish his autobiography, then he could publish it in Memorianum.
When I sat here in my office, rooster was passing by and had an suspicious eye on me.
Today ends my challenge to write from 17th of August to 17th of September! Was not always easy, but it was a nice challenge. I like to publish things even if my texts are not perfect, not always deep and full of wisdom or poetry. OK, I didn´t like it, but I learned to like it. I had to come out from “what to write today” and “I have nothing to say” thoughts. I often started my writing “I don´t know what to write”, but then something came up and I deleted this “I don´t know what to write” part.
Today when we had flight stop in Riga, I texted to some persons to find out to where in Sweden I should go, and it worked well. Susanne said she is in Arvika just at this time when the train I tought to take is arriving and she can pick me up. I thought it must be a good sign and I bought the ticket. Lilla Årbotten is waiting for me.
I will celebrate today. I am now in the train to Karlstad, so I think I will go to board restaurant and get something for myself.
So the time passes… I don´t understand why I should go away from here, but we leave this place tomorrow. Me and Christian are going to Sweden, Christian to one course, Matthias back home.
I don´t know yet to where in Sweden I go tomorrow, I don´t know where I will sleep next 3 nights. Shall I go to Järna or to Arvika? Stockholm? Is somebody waiting for me? What is calling me? I try to listen…
“Try to say truth, if nothing else works”. / Jesper Juul
This sentence is here front of me, on the table of my friends´ computer corner. It helped me to start writing.
How it is to be on my way?
It is sometimes easy, sometimes hard. Sometimes I feel I have no roots, I build nothing up, I am lost. Next moment I know I am just on the right way, living the best life I can imagine. Sometimes I am angry – I want to be in Normal Relation with a Normal Man, have a Normal Family with him and then do Normal Job. Have a Normal Home. Next moment I feel I am so lucky that I have complicated situation to learn, learn, learn. Grow. Learn to love. Become a Human.
It is easy to feel unsure about my way, if I look around and compare myself with others. I can feel lonely then. But when I focus on myself, when I ask Life if everything is ok, then I get the answer that I am on the right way. I ask angels. I don´t see them directly, but I get often answers from them. This is why I am here now – I had a walk, I didn´t know to where I should go next, I asked the question and got the answer before I finished the question. This is how it often happens – I get the answer before I start to listen the answer, before I start to think. Answer often surprises me and is not so easy for me to go for. It is challance. Sometimes I am still not going ditectly there I am supposed to go, it takes 1-2 days to make the call or write SMS to person whos name I heard. Sometimes I don´t understand why I have to go to this place, to these people, but when I arrive, I know immediately that this is the best place to be right now. Then I feel happyness and gratefulness. Trust.