I had a rich day today. I slept out, then watched how branches were dancing in the wind behind my window, then I went jogging and on the way I passed by the lake, so I went to swim. Howww good it was! I was so thankful that I had to sing. Bright September light, warm wind, fresh water.
Later we cleaned up the old school house with Susanne, took care of cows. I cleaned up one small hut where many ants were living in the summer, now it is clean.
Now I wrote many e-mails and facebook messages to invite people to take part of beneficence to support children in Dahab. 300 Egyptian pounds are 15 EUR, so this is the cost for one child to go to school and get all she/her needs during one school year. We are now 4 persons who want to take part. School starts in 5 days and I don´t know if I can get 10 persons together. I try to not to get stressed. Right now my shoulders are a bit tense and I should go to sleep. I do that.
I am so happy today! Happy to be here, happy that I have possibility to enjoy the life.
I would like to give to you some of my happiness.
Met this guy today, he came into Barbara´s kitchen and we had a talk. He said he has written 300 pages about his life, he was writing at home and then felt he has to go out and enjoy nice summer weather. I told him if he doesn´t get somebody to publish his autobiography, then he could publish it in Memorianum.
When I sat here in my office, rooster was passing by and had an suspicious eye on me.
Here I am again. With photos.
I took a knife with me and cleaned the bench. Now it would be good to wash it, it has kind of soily layer on the surface.
This is very usual picture here in this village and further around. Last year there were almost no fruits and this year there are so many that branches are getting broken. They brake also because of dryness, said Christian.
Like big pearls on the ground…
I joined Christian to one garden where he was cutting one marple tree. It was a nice garden. Owners had water place for the birds, also insect hotels, many nice trees and plants. People were so thankful about what Christian told them about trees.
So nice rose. She asked us to smell it, it smelled for me like an eatable plant. Njomm.
Last night I could not fall asleep, the day had been so intense and I suddenly felt I have so many unloaded feelings in my. So I shaked out some and wept out some.
In the morning when I was reading peacefully Lorna´s prayer book, there were two strong bangs so that all the house was shaking. I thought maybe heating system was exploading in the celler, I called Christian and he said these were military airplanes. When they fly faster than sound speed is, then they make such bangs. Scary.
But let´s look now again photo of rose to end this post with a nice tune.
She is watching the rain and she sees it is good.
In the morning I had a very clear dream about love. It was a bit stressy and sad and after waking up I had pain in my stomach. The dream was about love which is stucked. So I was thinking and feeling around, talked in my mind to hardness, bullheadedness, selfishness, egoism in me. Then I let pain be and I just staid in it, it got stronger and stronger and then was slowly losing it´s tension.
I took Lorna´s book of love and started to read it from the beginning again. Was sad and good at the same time. This is a bit how it was today. Sad and good at the same time.
Today I worked on old stuff. Burned lots of old wood, picked up old rotten apples and plums. Talked to my old thoughts and asked them to go.
How different are days!
Today I was so, so angry and I was trying to manage it but I didn´t manage. Or what is managing? To get rid of it? Stop to be angry? For me managing anger is to notice that I am angry, then first shout by myself, directed to nobody. If something is still there, then next level managing is to understand from which thinking mistake anger comes from and then lead warm anger power to fix the thinking mistake. For example I am so angry about other person´s behavior. Then I stop – I see that I wish so much that other person will do differently, be other way. It makes me mad. Stop. Instead of just bubbling in anger, I let this anger go into thought “Other person is ok, he should not change, it is my wish to change him which has to change”. Stop. Now is important to do nothing, think nothing, let body to do rest. If I keep going with but but but but, then body can´t work in peace. Body needs my help, co-woring.
I have done that, but today was not this day. Today I got also angry that I am not allowed to be angry. This is how I felt, even no-one said to me that it is not allowed. I felt that my anger is too much. I was so angry about that also.
I had 9 km long walk. Helped a bit. Made some inner work. Didn´t help much. Prayed a bit, helped quite good. Made some physical work, was also good.
How different days are!
There´s unusual darnkness outside, different from Estonian evening light. Very tight. And warm. I guess +25 degrees.
Yesterday night we stood up on the balcony and watched the sky – there´s a nice row: very bright Mars, then Moon and Saturn. First thought what came up when I saw this nice composition: that´s why all is so simple now, flowing. Easy way written in the sky.
Christian explaned me how cells are functioning, we are preparing for CranioSacral course which is in the weekend.
Walked into my favourite place, sat there, wrote my diary, watched how sun was going behind the forest.
On my way back I got some food.
When I was walking on the way to the forest, I saw sun burned grass and I felt sad. Earth is in trouble. I got strong feelings in me and I thought that is not time to be somewhere in between now, it is not time to be afraid to stand for what you know is good, it is important that we take the right way, if it is not right, then it is wrong, there´s no middle road. It is clear, it needs clear thinking and strenght. When I was walking and thinking these thoughts, I found this feather, half black, half white.