Hello dear friends, followers! How are you? Today I woke up in Estonia, listened this and this, danced around a bit and felt wonderful. It feels like I have been in sleep for some months and now life goes on, light comes back and I can see myself again. Last time I forgot Lorna´s prayer book here, now I took it up again, started to read it and I feel how it opens up the light in me and I ask myself: where I have been?
It is such a beautiful winter wonderland outside, for one more day before it starts to melt. In Langenhain there was almost no snow during the winter, so it is nice to be in Estonia right now, soon it will be palm trees, Red Sea and sunshine in Dahab…
Now I take the train and go to visit Hubert Urb and Teodor Tinn.
In the morning I had a very clear dream about love. It was a bit stressy and sad and after waking up I had pain in my stomach. The dream was about love which is stucked. So I was thinking and feeling around, talked in my mind to hardness, bullheadedness, selfishness, egoism in me. Then I let pain be and I just staid in it, it got stronger and stronger and then was slowly losing it´s tension.
I took Lorna´s book of love and started to read it from the beginning again. Was sad and good at the same time. This is a bit how it was today. Sad and good at the same time.
I start to get really satisfied about my life, about myself. Waking up early makes a big difference for me, even if I am not a project leader or organizer (as I wish to be) and I do simple things in my morning hours – read, learn, write.
I don´t tell all the things what I am doing, I experienced that I stop to do them after I talk about them. But one important thing is that I read prayers from Lorna´s book, something opens up in me when I do so, it gets lighter in me. I never thought that I start to pray or mention God in the way I do now. Really unexpected. I am astonished about myself. Not shamed anymore.
Yesterday when I went up to my room I saw a nice pear on the stair, mom put it there for me, she got it from her garden. Nice one. This was my first breakfast today. Juicy and tasty.
I have been all the day here, it is raining and raining and it is nice to stay at home. Made fire for the first time. Stood front of fire, made some streching movements and read Old Testament at the same time. There´s something about it, I will read on, even it feels so cruel and God is there not as I can imagine God is. Not the easy topic to write about, so I stop here.
I just looked through some very old photo albums with my mom, now I am a bit dizzy. Good time to make a short round in garden before going to sleep.