Back in Langenhain, full of ideas and hope. Things which I have had for a long time on my list will be done step by step – I just get annoyed that they stay so long time on the paper and reminding me their existence. Good thing is that getting angry about it means getting some power for doing them. Just doing, instead wishing, wanting, dreaming. Very Pisces´ problem.
I have so many ideas that I almost feel panic in me sometimes because I feel I will never manage to do them all in my life. What to take, what to leave? I am soon 40 and then 70 and then soon I will die! When I think like that, then I can sense some panic, but when I think that maybe I will die tomorrow, then I get quite calm. 🙂 The key is about enjoying, I guess. When I enjoy every minute however it is, then I am living fully and then I don´t need to regret that I didn´t do enough or feel that life just passed by. To enjoy, I need to be here and now, to be here and now, I need to be in myself. Hello, Maarja, nice to be with you again!
What I am doing? I am just living, doing stuff and not doing it.
After one month in Estonia I am back in Langenhain and I hope to stay here until going to Dahab. I haven´t bought tickets to Dahab yet, but I guess I will be there from 18th of February to 18th of March. Sunny Egypt.
Yesterday was Matthias here, I was watching how he was building a floor door, I was filming a bit, helping a bit. It is kind of meditation for me to be around him, specially I like when both brothers are doing things together, there´s such a kind of beauty of the togetherness, I feel every time I want to capture it – with the words, photos or video. It is relaxing. Safe. I can look for hours these hands working on things.
It is sunny day and we go out soon to get a nice lunch in Flight Café, as we call it. There´s a garage for small airplanes, field for take off and landing and house for a café.
In Estonia I finished the video of Joyful Summerwork.:
Hello again, my lovely readers.
I am in Berlin for some more hours and then I take the train to Frankfurt – in the evening I am back in Langenhain for one week.
I have had different happenings in between – I got together 8400 Egyptian pounds for children in Dahab! So many people wanted to take part of this small action. It is so easy to do someting good, I recommend to try! Look around, look how far your hands are reaching to help somebody.
After Communication as Art course with Iris I travelled from Hagalund to Järna. Made some computer work in Åsgatan café. Filmed Malin´s process in studio. Became ill. Didn´t fly to Florence with Michael as it was planned because Ryanair had strike. Went to Dresten instead to watch Raphael´s painting. It was Michael´s birthday present to me. Was really touching to see this painting, stood long time there to feel it.
Went to ecstatic dance event and danced myself free. Had coffee time with Katja, warming. I have all I need in my life and 100 times more.
Now I have to go to the train, have it good!
Today was again bang-bang-bang in the room where I slept, but it was a nicer reason (for me) – one birdchen was stucked inside. She flew against the windows (not too strong) and didn´t find the way out. I opened all the windows and it took some time until I got her out.
So, after that I was very awake and ready to start the day.
I wrote many e-mails today, organized events, tried to get some people to one course which Iris Johansson is doing with Elke and Torsten Grind in Malta. Course is not really a course, it is more like a healing event. Morning starts with sound therapy, then Iris makes some primary work and later is original play with Torsten. Sounds like a paradise for me, I think every year that next year I will take part. If you are interested, then write to me.
So. My shoulders are e-mail-tired. Need a bit massage tonight.
I had time to go for a walk. I had time to drive car. Had time to steam some vegetables. Look different tractors working. Had time to be really happy. Thankful. Happy again. Tomorrow I will travel to Cologne. Jah.
I took a knife with me and cleaned the bench. Now it would be good to wash it, it has kind of soily layer on the surface.
This is very usual picture here in this village and further around. Last year there were almost no fruits and this year there are so many that branches are getting broken. They brake also because of dryness, said Christian.
Like big pearls on the ground…
I joined Christian to one garden where he was cutting one marple tree. It was a nice garden. Owners had water place for the birds, also insect hotels, many nice trees and plants. People were so thankful about what Christian told them about trees.
So nice rose. She asked us to smell it, it smelled for me like an eatable plant. Njomm.
Last night I could not fall asleep, the day had been so intense and I suddenly felt I have so many unloaded feelings in my. So I shaked out some and wept out some.
In the morning when I was reading peacefully Lorna´s prayer book, there were two strong bangs so that all the house was shaking. I thought maybe heating system was exploading in the celler, I called Christian and he said these were military airplanes. When they fly faster than sound speed is, then they make such bangs. Scary.
But let´s look now again photo of rose to end this post with a nice tune.
Last days are one-image-days. I just take one photo or none. Art of letting it be like that…
Was a nice day, I had much enthusiasm and I was in flow. First I made my morning rituals and then I walked up to the bench to sit there and feel the day. There´s a nice bench surrounded by birch trees, you can see the village from there and forest. Every time I am there I think – when I come next time I take a knife or something sharp with me to clean the bench from moss. Tomorrow? Maybe when I write it here I will remember.
I was writing different texts for Memorianum and wrote to some friends and asked for translations. Let´s see if they like to translate. Text are very simple and not so official.
Help, so many moths in this flat! I don´t know how many I catched already. The best to catch them is with wet hands. I was reading that they help to get rid of things, if you have a tendency to collect too much stuff and not borrow out or give away or use them yourself, then the moths will help you. Good point! I have it always pitty to give away things which I haven´t used. Shame. I have still half of my stuff in Berlin. Do I miss them? Nope. Have to clean up.
Today we celebrated Christian´s birthday with his workers and family, had many cakes, made some Pär Ahlbom games and then Christian played sound table for everyone. Nice event, would like to have such a meeting once in the month.
Now some steamed vegetables and then I go to bed direction.
I stare the empty page and don´t know what to write. What a problem – sometimes I have no energy and motivation, and when I have energy, I have no mood! Problem, problem. Weird feeling comes over me when I don´t make my forest walk or jogging. This is to remember – go for a walk! And eat at the right time, otherwise bad mood comes! And don´t wait for other people, then bad mood comes!
Against bad mood helps a warm shower, some oiling and good sleep. So I will fix it. Would like to laugh a bit. Can you recommend some funny videos? Or a funny book? Would like to read something funny. Hehe, one came in my mind.
I hope these peaches are ripening soon, they smell so good already.