It is still dark outside, I made fire in the oven and it makes nice sound.
I have been a bit more than a week in Estonia, going on with the driving lessions. It feels it takes forever for me to learn to drive, I am still nervous in the traffic and can´t have my eye on everything what I need to see, I haven´t learn to catch the information what I need to react at. One new teacher said I drive like first time, but yesterday evening with another teacher I had quite good drive because I felt well with him. People ask me when I get done my driver´s license – I don´t know, I need my own tempo for that and have to forget what is normal, have to stop comparing me with others and let go the pressure from others and from myself.
Yesterday when I walked home I was thinking that whole world is my house and different lands are different rooms for me, I do different things in these rooms and I like them all. Estonia is like living room – it is so simple to meet people, join talks, catch conversations. I buy flowers and just start to walk to my friend Jaan who has birthday and I think he must be somewhere around, I think to walk by the café where he could be and yes, he is there. Also Jaak and Krista are there, so we talk about life and about Jaan´s new movie, eat chocolate. Café is closed but it is ok for owner that we sit on the terrace, Jaak, Krista and Jaan are visitors who many would like to have. When we feel to have coffee, we continiue to another café, but this is closed as well, we stand there and think what to do until worker comes and tells that she likes to have us inside and opens café for us. She even serves warm soup for Jaan and brings glas of water for flowers. And cuts cake pieces bigger than usual.
After going in different ways from Jaak and Krista, I continiue my social flowing with Jaan and we are going to visit a poet who I only know from the distance, like it is with well known people – you feel you know them, but they have never seen you, so you have to start the relation from the beginning. “Hello, I am Maarja”, “Hello, I am Maarja, too!”. When this is done then we are equal again. I forgot the name of other two women. There´s a nice view from her flat, we see the sea, boats and far to the other side of the town, I join the conversation like I always known these persons and I love this feeling. Belonging.
Later I leave Jaan front of wooden house when he goes to another visit, I could maybe also go in but I am not sure, so I decide to go home, happiness sparkling in me after all these talks and meetings.
When I arrive back home, mom and Andreas are outside. I cut some wood and put them under the shelter to wait winter time.
So, sun is rising, I finish here for now even I didn´t write what I wanted to write and wrote completely other things instead…